Observance of personal borders is a question of our mental and physical health. Therefore it is necessary to learn correctly these borders to protect - and not instinctively, and it is conscious.

Face to face

“Similar, my colleague Nikolay has Latin American roots, - Olga gloomy jokes. - I read, that there it is accepted to approach almost closely. It is inconvenient to me to tell to it:“ Depart! ”- also it is necessary to suffer. But it is very unpleasant, when the person does not nestle almost on you at conversation. I at first thought, that I like it, but then of its behaviour began to complain both other colleagues - and female, and a male. All of us cannot like it!”
The arrangement of people during contact can depend not only on their nationality and culture - and in Latin America it is really accepted to approach to each other close, that usually irritates Europeans, - but also from mood of the person, from its social status, confidence or uncertainty in, from relations communicating among themselves. Family therapists noticed, that married couples with which marriage does not arrange, at conversation those who is happy with the relations hold a little big distance, than.
To check up, it is how much good to you the person (naturally, remembering that during this moment it can long or it is unimportant feel itself) concerns, it is possible, having approached to it is hardly closer: if it does not depart back, does not start to fidget on a chair, to shower a foot on a foot or to cross hands on a breast it is possible to count on closer dialogue. However in others sluchah it can cause aversion or thoughts that you neizyskanno flirt - as it and has occurred to Nikolay. However, it could so itself(himself) to conduct, wishing to show the status - aggressive people often interfere in personal space of others, that them suppressing. By the way, all inspectors of the world use this tactics - to break resistance of the interrogated.

Our zones

The personal space of the average European was conditionally divided into some zones by the doctor of the London university of formation David Lambert.
The HIDDEN: 0 - 15 see to Approach so close very native people can only. In case of approach of the person which does not concern them, at us palpitation can become frequent, and muscles will strain in unconscious attempt to reflect an attack.

The INTIMATE: 15 - 45 This zone - only for those to whom ourselves have given "permission" see. We can not realise, why have suddenly bellowed "are not present" on the efficient offer of the subordinate. And it, appears, has approached too close.

The PERSONAL: 46 sm - 1,2 m. Are distance on which we prefer to keep from other people on parties, during friendly dialogue or on work. If the interlocutor stands too close we are unconsciously frightened. If it is too far, it seems to us indifferent and cold.

The SOCIAL: 1,2 - 3,6 m. On such distance we keep from strangers - sanitary technicians, postmen, sellers … one and a half-two metre - the most comfortable distance between people in turns. Germans, by the way, try to maintain it.

The OPENED: more than 3,6 m. Delivering a speech before an audience, orators prefer to be on such distance from the first row. If the stranger it does not cause special stress has got to such zone because the big distance allows to avoid an undesirable meeting in time.

It is a little practice

The majority of people do not reflect on borders of the personal space and instead start to hate partners in dialogue unjustly. If you are irritated with the interlocutor, try to increase a distance between you.

If you want, that the person felt comfortably in your society, hold a distance convenient for it. That it to define, it is enough to approach to it more close, than on distance of the extended hand, and to observe reaction. Besides the "closed" poses, it can change intonation and tempo of speech.

Infringement of personal space can be not only at physical level. For example, sometimes it seems to you, that without your participation the person will not cope with a problem, and you rush to the aid, insisting that of it have taken advantage. But the help should be offered delicately, for it too “intervention in personal space”.

If relatives consider themselves have the right to come at any moment into your room, endlessly demand attention to itself, insist on your constant presence - it is not necessary to raise the voice. Methodically, but easy explain native, what conditions of existence for you mentally and are physically comfortable. Gradually all will learn to respect borders of your personal space.
However in every second defence too there is no sense. After all normal dialogue is an exchange of energy between partners. Otherwise, you will put yourselves in a situation of information blockade: to receive something, it is necessary to give something.

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